Video Game Memories of an 80’s Abortion

Many different titles crawled through my gray matter when the idea for this article came up in conversation. Some games gave me an escape from an often irritating existence,  others brought me closer to my older brother and sister, and a few were horrible frustrations that still haunt my inner child to this day! As different as each was, they all have one thing in common; a story. Some piece of nostalgia that played an important role in my life at one time. From my earliest memories in gaming to what keeps my thumbs on the joysticks today, with this list I hope to take you back to another time when most of our waking hours were spent hard at work saving the world, winning championships, or beating the Hell out of our friends! Anything was possible and only one tool was needed for the job.

Part 1- ATARI 2600

Atari 2600
“It’s 2600 time baby!”

1. E.T. The Extra-terrestrial.

(A.K.A: The Worst Game Ever Made, A.K.A: Contributing Factor To The Video Game Industry Crash Of 1983)

Where do I start with this one? Rushed in production in order to make the 1982 Christmas season, the game was given six weeks in development before falling into stockings worldwide. Fortunately for me, I wasn’t alive yet but somewhere along the way my parents must have gotten suckered in at a garage sale or something (games were insanely expensive at that time, we only got one if it was next to free) because even though we weren’t allowed to watch E.T. (because of the swearing) the game was sitting on our shelf! The game consisted of a series of pits you had to fall into in order to search for phone pieces along with two buildings (a police station and a laboratory) and two enemies wandering around the map (A scientist and a police officer).

E.T. Game
“No where near as good as the movie”

To get out of the pits, E.T. stretched his neck floating straight up, this was next to useless for both getting out of the pits or away from the enemies. So basically it was just as bad as it sounds, your character was a walking target and I’m sure very few ever successfully managed to “phone home”. All unsold copies were gathered like unwanted children and buried in a New Mexico land fill.

 

 

2.Yar’s Revenge

Yars Revenge
“Yar is back, and he’s angry!”

This was one of the best selling games on the Atari 2600. It sounds a lot more complicated than it is, wrap your brain around this one! The character is a robotic insect called a “Yar”. The  screen was divided in uneven halves by a multi-coloured strip called the “neutral zone”. The enemy, an evil demon cannon  called the “Qotile” was protected by a large barrier on the right wall of the screen. Guided missiles gravitated towards you, but couldn’t attack within the neutral zone.  The only thing that could was that bastard Qotile if he turned to “Swirl” form! Before turning to a blood-red whirlwind, Qotile would warn you with a devastating speaker-rattling sound, then shoot at you like a bullet! The object of the game was to blow a hole big enough in the barrier to attack Qotile, when the shield was broken he could attack you with cannon blasts. Each level the environment changed, enemies got faster, and the battles more difficult. My Uncle plays a large role in my memory of this game, rumor has it he beat his high score only for the system to freeze up. Bad luck, or was that the end, games were so bizarre back then its hard to say if there was supposed to be a credits’ screen.  Yar’s Revenge thankfully aged very well when I revisited it on the XBox Atari greatest hits disc a few years ago. Although I still had to wonder how I used to sit for hours staring at that one screen with a grin ear to ear.

 

3. Freeway:

Freeway
“Amazing Graphics!”

While most kids were playing Frogger, my brother and I were rockin’ out with our cocks out…… literally. In Freeway you and a friend played as chickens attempting to cross a busy freeway without getting smoked by traffic. One of the first games released by Activision, Freeway (Originally titled Bloody Human Freeway) was originally made with men in place of chickens leaving bloody streaks on the street when hit by traffic. The game was later renamed Freeway and given a more age accessible design. Chickens could only move up and down, making you walk one straight line over and over. Even though this was a huge limitation to the game play, it added a claustrophobic trapped feeling that kept you in suspense till you reached the other side.

4. Asteroids:

Asteroids
“Somebody is on the roids!”

Simple premise, you’re a Spaceship in an asteroid field blasting your way to survival. The screen was entirely black with colourful asteroids gravitating towards you on all sides. This game along with ‘Yar’s Revenge’ was what the 2600 was all about; one screen, simple controls, and addictive game play!

Honorable Mentions: Q*Bert, and Missile Command

In the new world cell phone’s have replaced classic systems like this mixing the same game play mechanics, and design with more advanced graphics and convenience to give you a whole new addictive experience. Still nothing will ever compare to the memories of sitting around the old cabinet T.V. with your family or friends in what were often the most exciting uphill battles on what would become the most boring of templates.

Part 2: The Horrors of DOS P.C. Games

Picture of Dylan Gemmell
Dylan Gemmell
Consuming darkness in every artistic offering available. You thought Death only came in Metal and Horror Films? Vinyl Collector, Pro Wrestling addict and Miniature Monster Artist. Petting animals, eating people.
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