I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle could possibly be the greatest title ever conceived in B- movie history! This Vampire Motorcycle has a lot to prove with a title like that and the question that instantly surfaces is “Is there enough bite in this bike to support such a fantastic title?”
An occultist is killed by a bike gang shortly after he summons an evil spirit, which then inhabits the bike with a vendetta against the gang. Noddy, a bike enthusiast buys the damaged bike and sometime after having a dream where he fights with a piece of his own shit (yes, you did just read that) he finds that it doesn’t need a rider to rip up the streets, but it does need blood in the tank. Throughout the film the possessed bike mutates into a demonic shape of twisted steel and exacts it’s vengeance on any who interfere.
Noddy lives with his girlfriend Kim who first discovers the bike has a mind of it’s own after being bucked off the back by the speeding bull. The Bike draws attention to Noddy after attempting to run the gang off the road and the bikers soon hunt the city for poor Noddy. Police round up suspects for some very physical questioning as the bodies pile up, and Noddy begins to believe Kim’s claim searching out a biker priest for an exorcism. The story was entirely made up of bikers alone and came off a little more goofy than it needed to because of it.
The ‘Vampire Motorcycle’ is an impressive villain that mutates throughout the movie until it reaches it’s most sinister form. The gore is enough to satisfy but could have been a little juicier, all are done using makeup effects, props, and prosthetics to great, if not too subtle effects.
While I enjoyed “I bought a Vampire Motorcycle’ I also couldn’t help but think that it just doesn’t quite live up to it’s name. The jokes sometimes come off as too easy, cheezy, and unoriginal to be enjoyable and the horror is never pushed as far as it should be. Overall the movie feels like it suffers an identity crisis, I’m not sure if it should be classified as a horror movie or a comedy. However it does feature a Vampire motorcycle and I think you’d be hard pressed to find anything that awesome elsewhere!
